Many of you that believe in God may often wonder,is he coming back? If he does come back
what will he look like? What was Jesus like when he was alive? Ive compiled several bible excerpts that may answer these questions
and many many more.I know how to make a webpage.The dude that wrote the bible didnt know how to do that
did he? This guy wrote the bible hundreds of years ago which was translated hundreds of times since.For me to praise or
confide in the bible would be confiding in another man which is bullshit. I will answer to God myself not through another
man, especially not a priest.Why do you people keep answering and fulfilling what another man wrote on paper?
truth to the existance and afterlife of humans is up to what made us goddamit Blasphamy.
Why hasnt anyone written me hatemail? I guess you have my permission to send me love mail.
Just send me mail I want to post a monthly e-mail update section on the best page on earth
main page.
"Matthew 1:23
The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel — which means, "God with us."
1)The virgin possibly was given a sedative of some sort and then raped while sleeping.Either
that or she was too drunk to remember she had sex.
2)Maybe someone put semen in a syringe and inserted it in her while she was sound asleep.Or molested by a bum.
3)They named the baby immanuel because they thought this pregnancy was immaculate but rather just a well thought out rape.
I doubt that was the bums name.It was prolly Bob or Bruce or Tom or something of the sort.
Matthew 7:15
"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves."
1)Im pretty sure this one is describing my ex-girlfriends,come to think of it they often wore clothing
made from yarn that was woven from sheeps wool,how freaky.
2)This could also be a warning against the Jahovas witness people that walk right up on my lawn
then pound on my door when im trying to relax and drink a beer.Next time i'll be sure to run them off then grab another beer
so I have a real reason to get up in the first place.
Mark 11:2 [Also Luke 19:30] "Go to the village ahead of you, and just as you enter it, you will find
a colt tied there, which no one has ever ridden. Untie it and bring it here."
1)In this one I think Jesus is telling me to go to a Rockford car lot and steal some sort of jeep maybe a bronco.Then
take it to him for some sort of compensation.Maybe this is some sort of Christian initiation or organized crime racket within
the ranks of Christianity.
2)Maybe I should act promptly on this one.This could be a reference to a hot virgin chick that was tied up by a pimp.But im
suppose to save her before he rapes her and take her to Jesus cause he doesnt desire tainted whores.He is cleansed and pure remember.
Kinda like in the movie 'true romance' but then Christian Slater saves her from a life of prostitution and heroin.
Matthew 5:29-30
"And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish,
and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off and cast it from thee:
1)In this one I believe this is Jesus's statement to his disciples or made men.If anyone
screws with Jesus they should be dealt with mafia style to get the point across by cutting parts of their bodies off.
Also Jesus makes money everytime someone from the other crime establishments die.In some cases he doesnt want
the DNA evidence to show up .Kinda like the ending to the movie casino.You know the scene with the brothers in the corn field?
"Revelation 9:3-5 Then out of the smoke locusts came upon the earth. And to them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth
have power. They were commanded not to harm the grass of the earth, or any green thing, or any tree, but only those men
who do not have the seal of God on their foreheads. And they were not given authority to kill them, but to torment them for
five months. Their torment was like the torment of a scorpion when it strikes a man."
1)In this one I think some small time mafiosos attempted to steal Jesus's weed or burn his crops
but his henchmen caught them up and locked their asses up for 5 months.Jesus must have paid some cops off to pull
them over and charge them with his weed.
2)It could also mean not to cut a tree down unless you believe in God hmm.Better yet it could mean
that all lumberjacks are too macho to get into heaven and chill with Jesus.So if lumberjacks dont believe in God then
he wants us to 'take care of them'.Just to prove my loyalty to Jesus i'll be sure to use the ax's they use to cut Jesus's precious
trees down.Oh cool he wants us to torture these guys with scorpion bites and emprisonment,dam we better get the good news
to green peace immediately.Afterall I have never seen a lumberjack with the word Jesus branded on their foreheads,I guess they are
all guilty.Let the lynching begin.
"1 Corinthians 11:9-10
For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. For this reason,
and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head."
1)This one is a goodun this is solid proof that men run the world.I kinda figured that
in the first place since all presidents have been men,men run the military,although woman can fight in a war,men make the
calls.This proves many many whores wrong.They think they own the world just cause guys desire them,I think not.Come on people
this is the word of god.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 (NIV) If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her,
and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, and if after she leaves his house
she becomes the wife of another man, and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it
to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her
again after she has been defiled.
1)See Jesus knows what he is talking about.Once a ho always a ho,they arent worth the second
chance.Jesus really enlightens me with this one,you cant make a ho into a house wife.Fool me once the jokes on you,fool me
twice the jokes on me.See Jesus doesnt like whores either.Alot of girls now days are like a chewed up piece of meat
offered to you on your hand for the taking,yuck i'll look for some prime rib.That way I will never have to go out for
burgers if I have prime rib at home.Thanks Jesus.
John 5:19 (NIV) Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by
himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because
whatever the Father does the Son also does."
1)I think in this one God is saying we can only do what our fathers did.Ive never seen my father
jack off but I did all the time and still do.My father is an alcoholic though and I drink so I guess there is some validity in
this one.
2)So does this mean I can get drunk,hire fat hookers and go window peeping after everyone else
in the house is asleep? That's what my dad did all the time.Does this mean I can do all these things and Jesus will forgive
me because I witnessed my father doing it? Dam that would mean I can beat my future wife,I'll quit going to therapy
and just let my pent up frustrations go till I get married.Then i'll beat the shit out of her.It's okay Jesus permits me to.Click
on the abuse me box on the picture below and Jesus will deliver a verbal punishment to cleanse away your sins...
