"LOVE"= "Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way." Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even though they cant bang eachothers decrepit saggy putrid bodies any longer or at least attemp to do so.love is when mommy gives daddy fried onion and pink bearded clam taco droppings everynight.Love always leads to jeolousy and turns people into zombies,junkies,alcoholics,pricks,losers,dropouts and hookers I could go on.Love is when a woman sees a sweaty dirty drunk homeless guy and tells him he is more handsome than Brad Pitt. I have broken up with a lot of girls and the last thing they usually say is 'You'll never find anyone like me again! I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?' 'If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?' for the unfortunate ones like me we all know the all too predictable outcome of 'true love'.After I watch a little t.v. i'll post some love letters sent to me throughout the past 8 years heres a couple.Some hilarious some intriguing and some just plain pitiful.
    
Here's a little one I received 7 years ago
***Well it hasnt been so long since you left and all I can seem to think about is you.I love you so much,I guess that's why I always want to be with you.I cant seem to be without you without feeling sick or missing you,I think you are such a great person too,I wish I could be more like you.Im so lucky to have found a person like you to share things with.I want to be with you a long time to because I dont want to lose someone so close and important to me.I cant stop thinking about the first day we met because from that day on I feel like everything has changed.I love you (end)...
Heres another little piece of flailing bullshit thrown onto paper one rainy night.
11/10/99
***I dont really know why im writing you,probly because I want to talk to you so bad.I dont even know if you'll ever get this letter but I guess it's worth a try,well,we got into this big argument last night on the phone and I said why dont we just end this right now.I dont know why I said that,im just really confused about alot of shit,I love you with all my heart I just dont know why i always pull away.I know that ive been a real bitch lately and I can be really hard to get along with but it's not all me you know.Im not going to lay a bunch of shit on you either cause that just isnt right.Nikki told me that you said you didnt want to be with me anymore but I guess that doesnt matter since were not together anyway.I know ive lied to you about a bunch of shit and that was wrong of me and im truly sorry for that believe me if I could take it back I would.I do appreciate you too dont say I dont,you can think whatever you want but like you always say 'dont assume things you just dont know how much I love you.And it probly doesnt mean anything to say this but (I wish we could work things out,I know you said this is the last time but like I said I love you so much, you are everything,but if you dont want to work things out or never talk to me again I wont bother you about anything.I just dont know how to tell you how much I love you P.S.Call me if you want.(end)
And yes kids the wormhole gets even deeper
8/02/2001
***I often lay awake at night waiting to hear that old knock on the window and seeing your face again.For the past 2 months I havnt been able to sleep,you have been in every dream and every thought.I try to forget you but no matter how hard I seem to try,your still on my mind it is eating away at my soul,It's pure misery.If I could just see you once more and feel you holding me close to you my heart would be at peace.Sometimes I wish we could have gotten through it all,but maybe it wasnt meant to be Ive made too many mistakes and I have dissapointed and broken your heart so many times,I couldnt do that to you ever again,im sorry for what ive done.In my dreams we are happy,you are happy,and it makes me feel so good inside to see you like that.We are always together in my dreams and nothing ever goes wrong,we are what every couple wants to be.Im so sorry and I want you to know im not mad at you anymore and no matter what there will always be a place in my heart for you,so take this tear stained letter and keep it forever always remember that I love you,and never give up on your dreams,there are so many things I want to say but if I were to express my feelings in words it would be impossible to understand,im sorry for everything.(end)
Those were just a few letters...

When it comes to love the girl either says give me space if you tell her you love her too much. If you dont tell her you love her then they tell you they want someone more effectionate. My god people is there any in between here fuck I think not.It seems to either be on one extreme or the other.Love is very confusing,if your confused by my article blame love.Oh yes love has it's consequences, Fall in love and you will pay the price,love never works and is never the answer, if love works for you than enjoy it now cause your in for a large helping of hell stew later... what are you thinking expressing that donkey shit on paper,I should hunt you down and saw both your arms off. I like to watch shit backfire on dumb people!!!

I think i'll take this opportunity to relish in the fact that I finally got hatemail, hell I might as well post it.
Subject: The best page on earth
Date: Thu, 11 Jan 2007
Hi!
I read your entire best page in the world and apart from two articles, I thought it was pretty dumb. I'm much cooler than you anyway so I don't criticize your page because i'm jealous. I liked your article about the destruction of Mankind, what you're saying in it is so true! But a better way to destroy humanity is to anger George Bush, he will do the job much more faster than any drunken redneck with a gun could. You article on McDonald's food was also pretty true,by the way did you know that they put stuff that prevents you from vomiting in their food? It's true, one of my friend works here! Even if I think it's dumb, if you update your page, I will keep reading it... to laugh at you! StAy (SiC)!!!!
To : sabbatron5@hotmail.com
Subject : RE: The best page on earth
Hi!
If I sent you an Hatemail, that's because your site did an impression on me, and accordingly, I showed it to a lot of people who liked it. I'm gonna read your new article. Also, I respect the fact that you go and make your site without giving a shit wht others think, not everyone would do that. Your Mommy must be proud of you!

Response:
Subject: RE: The best page on earth
Date: Tue, 16 Jan 2007
That's great that you think my page is dumb because for the most part that is the impression I was trying to set .As for you being much cooler than me, I dont think so but I do admire the fact you sent me hatemail because your secretly infatuated with my ingenius articles.So you think what im saying in a few of my articles is true huh? Than why the hell are you calling my sense of humor stupid , some articles are meant for the reader to laugh and some are meant for the reader to relate either way I really dont care what you think cause I am the man,and until you have the balls to make your own humor website without giving a shit about critisism then come find me,i'll send you my card if you'd like ,well words are runnin short and I have an article to post titled "The catastrophic power of love".Finnagan Plumley



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