I've constructed many recipes over the last couple years since I got tired of eating ramen noodles and bologna on hand. Some of these recipes may seem a bit over the "top" but we must be considerate of homeless and worthless people. I made these recipes from all natural ingrediants.Even bums can afford the recipes. I've brilliantly incorporated these recipes in universal fashion and I assure you every one of my recipes is a good source of protein.This grub could keep you alive for days. Especially if your stranded on a deserted island or confined to a wooded area by beast men that are starving from their outer galactic voyage from fuk nose ware.Although I am not liable for any illnesses that may concur from my recipes I absolutely condone them to the fullest extent.I will give you a little taste of the genius deliciousness in a moment.Im tired of people making everything seem like it's peaches and cream .It's really shit,"they said it was oatmeal but it's snot".At least im honest and present it for what it is whatever it may be, okay? The illustrations of my dishes pretty much present the recipes and what the plate consists of so im not gonna go to in depth about the fine tuning of these dishes. Put whatever seasonings you like i'll leave that up to you guys your prolly not gonna make the damn BS anyway,The pigsnout idea came to me just a moment ago while I was eating smoked prosciutto with horseradish mayo on butter crackers. My uncle is a master chef and owns his own meat market. Sometimes I encounter vegetarians and they dont appreciate my carnivorous ways which is why they should be eaten!!! it's a dog eat dog world, there is no time for vegetarianism. For gods sake we live in the nuclear age.We are on the brink of world war 3 and possibly the end to all. I personally love to eat man raised hogs and cows,when im driving in my car past a farm with cows I think to myself juicy and delicious,I found myself drooling more than the cow I targeted so I went to Mcdonalds.Meat is murder but in this case murder tastes good,I mean stupidity is why humans target pigs and cows for consumption but I know some people that are so dumb that the cow could outsmart the knickers off em, which is why they should be eaten.Maybe grind them up with the cow to cut the percentage of cow deaths down,as for pigs, ham is a 'must' when it comes to thanks giving so I think they're screwed from the get go,although I dont know I forgot to go in comparison with this one considering Mcdonalds and burger king,pig is still the number one breakfast meat fuck it their both good,eat them all plus the dumb people,that wouldnt only cut birth rate down but we the already alive would have more to eat,fuck yeh.Goddam come to think of it we are pretty gluttonous arent we? I guess de nile aint just a river in Egypt.These are dishes people deserve to eat not what they want,but you can still live off it at least until the sickness takes ya down...
for the first dish I present!!!
"WAXWORM AND PIGSNOUT POO-POO!!!!
For the waxworms just go to your local bait shop.In my case the Bait and Save,I asked the guy if a person had to be a mastur bater to be eligible of owning a bait shop.He told me to get lost but only after I had already tucked the container of waxworms in my undercoat.For the poo I tracked down my neighbors german sheppard.I mugged a Japanese knife wielding Kamikaze jiu jitsu master for the garnish.And for the pigsnout I called oscar meyer and bought 10 of them on discount.
And for my next dish
'TANGY WORM NOODLE SOUP WITH LARGE HYBRID PUBIC CRAB'
The worms can be found at the bait shop but if your to lazy to steal them you can get them from the back yard after it rains, but it has to be dark out.The tangy broth was processed by my liver but was extracted from Old Milwaukee Light beer. The pubic crabs can be extracted from your mothers soiled panties,or ex-girlfriends depending on who has the shit,if not just order a hooker 1 in 2 chance you'll at least get the 3rd ingrediant for this recipe.
And for my third dish I present!!!
'GIANT WATERBUG AND SLUG SARDINE PUREE'
For these ingrediants just find a mosquito infested pond or sewage runoff,gather your fine ingrediants and hightail it to a safe place where there is a rock or board to prepare the dish,no need for cooking,this is a fine dish as is.The mashed up sardines make a lovely almost tomato sauce like resemblance if prepared right.If you dont want to eat the waterbugs and slugs live just boil them in some water.I recommend the sardines be raw.You could use canned sardines but like I said if your broke just catch some minnows.
On to my delicious fourth dish
'BAKED BEAN BANANA GRASS HOPPER SPLIT TOPPED WITH ADDED BONUS'
For the baked beans just go to a homeless shelter and pretend to be homeless.They should hook you up.I mail ordered the dried grasshoppers from Thailand.Dried grasshoppers are a delicacy in Thailand,I got a good deal 3 dozen for 12 American cents.The guy I ordered them from is named 'Al Dente Bill Ding Dinah Soar Dick Rasch'im pretty sure at least that's what it sounded like.Oh yeh I really dont care where you get the dirty tampons but it adds a little sass to this particular dish fuckall.
And for my fifth and final dish
'LETTUCE TOMATO SUB WITH DRIED FISH HEAD AND CROWS FEET PINECONE DELIGHT'
See now this guy's got the right idea,I bet he would love my Tuna and toffee ice cream with hot chicken grissle walnut sauce all packed in a taco shell filled with beef and goat cheese topped with sweet and sour jalapeno eggnog sauce!!!!
SORRY I CANT WRITE AN ARTICLE THAT SEEMS WORTH A DAM BUT IVE BEEN DEPRESSED,SO SORRY FINN..