My second chance at life,A knock on the door
First of all i'm gonna keep it real.My name is Drake Christopher Dotson born Dec.29 1983 in Rockford memorial hospital. From that point forward I began my journey on this earth.From the suns horizon to the depths of hell I've traveled afar. in my minds eye.But lately I feel as if the hole within my psyche has grown larger too large for the heroin and alcohols ability to fill it.So i've taken up my creative side again after a 2 and a half year hellish addiction to heroin and a 10 year romance with alcohol.This is the longest I have been clean and sober in over a decade.I just arrived home from completing 31 day stretch inpatient treatment program in Rosecrance rehabilitation center shortly after being in jail for a month. I'm currently on trial for selling drugs to an undercover cop.I was setup by a guy I hung out with for a few months and did drugs with.I bonded out and caught another case and ended up in even more hot water.Detoxed off heroin "cold Turkey" in the shittiest county jail from here to Springfield and to the borders of hell and afar.I have taken up painting "acrylic" drawing,my website and various other ventures in my path to recovery.I am doing 90 meetings in 90 days.I currently am attending intensive outpatient at Rosecrance campus since I got out of intensive inpatient.I'm prescribed 40mg of prozac a day, 8mg of Suboxine for heroin withdrawal and cravings,vistiril,clonodine twice a day and trazadone 100mg to sleep at night. I have not updated my site in over 2 years because I was with this alcoholic girlfriend I had and was drunk all the time. Then we broke up and I sunk into a heroin induced trecherous abyss for over 2 years.Resulting in leaving all my hobbies and interests in life far behind.I'm doing good in life now working the program.Attending meetings calling my N.A sponsor and reading the big book whenever I get feeling down or scared of the consequences to my actions done while I was under the influence.
I have made some new friends that are with the program and from Rockford,where I go to my outpatient 3 days a week Mon-Wed-Fri,9 A.M. till noon.I really feel that things are finally looking up this time for me even though i'm facing some time on my class one felony charge for drugs.Im being optimistic and not trying to "as we in the program call it "reflecting" which can be a trigger for drug use and relapse.I have a thorough relapse prevention plan and have completely reformatted my life which was in a downward spiral and headed for a certain pitfall into an early demise.My drinking had become to the point of deterioration,hopelessness and insanity. Then I discovered heroin and became an every day habitual addict to the substance shortly after my introduction to the drug. I'm still combatting my cravings from the hell I once lived with alcohol as my mentor and coping device.Am also combatting the creeping devil known to us as heroin addiction from entering my life once again and taking everything from me.My anti-depressants seem to be working rather well for my type 2 bi-polar and the Suboxone,clonodine,vistiril and trazadone are helping keep my post-traumatic-stress-disorder,personality disorder and anxiety complications at bay rather well for now. During the time I was in jail I got to know a few guys but one mainly stuck in my mind and I write him consistently about 4 times a week on average.His name is Marshall Hollins,a tall black man with a achievement of first degree black belt in martial arts and a knack for the "quaran" and it's teachings.We had a blast during my time in jail with him. It really helped to pass the time having him around for me when times got tough.I eventually bonded out and right into rehab I went the next day.
It was great in rehab I learned so much in group sessions as well as having speakers come and talk of their lives and their addiction problems.I also found the meetings we attended for N.A.,C.A.,D.R.A.,and AA a really helpful coping mechanism for getting better from my addictions.The unit staff was very knowledgable with addiction and its counter parts.Always being sure to tell us "meeting makers make it" and "Many meetings,many chances.Few meetings,few chances no meetings,no chances" great advice that really stuck in my minds eye.Since I have been out I have been so busy with Dr. visits and my outpatient as well as hitting meetings and chillen with my new friend Jake,then picking weeds,mowing at home as well as mowing my Grandmas and doing the dishes,vaccuuming,laundry and many other things.The reason being is mostly cause my mother broke her foot in two different places and I have to do all the things around the house that she isn't able to do which is quite a bit of work.I usually am on the go, one way or another from the point I wake up till the point of passing out at night from the trazadone.I have also been experiencing some rather unpleasant nightmares since I got clean and sober.I think it's the devils way of tampering with me since i'm growing further away from him with every passing day.It's been 55 days since i've touched a drink or drug and I'm so proud of myself and i'm going to continue keeping up the good work right up until the fat lady sings or the judges staff rains down upon me.
Stay strong,stay clean and live serene.Please God grant myself and the other addicts still out there suffering peace and the opportunity to adopt this wonderful program into their deserted lives.For their is an answer you just gotta work to find it. Believe me if it worked for me"the most depressed person I have ever known" it most definitely can work for you.God bless and thanks for reading this article it may just have saved your life and mine.call me anytime if you are in need of advice on the program,meetings,treatment,medication or just someone to talk to before you make the decision to give in and use again (815-541-5807).Make a change,for us,for the future,for our kids and our kids kids.The program works you just gotta work it. For us addicts One is too many and a thousand is never enough so nip your addictions in the butt and start living healthy and happy as God intended us too in the first place.The program will grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change.For instance I was so scared with my court stuff going on that I was going to prison or jail for a long time and oh my God what am I gonna do I have nothing to look forward to but then BAM.I entered treatment accepted God "my higher power" back into my life and I don't worry about those crucial scary things in life an aoda of what I did prior to getting help and quitting drugs,alcohol.There's a light at the end of the tunnel you just have to take the blinders off and reawaken your mind and you shall be set free.I have been set free from worry,addiction,depression, pity pot thinking and anxiety complications due to my upcoming court trial and legal issues that were severely interferring with my life "Bigtime".
Throughout the course of my recovery I have learned to accept these things I cannot change and have been given the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference which makes all the world of difference to me and my future.Good luck,God speed from here on out and i'll see you when i'm once again a free man. and free from the problems that bind us in life.When I arise from those steel doors and jail bars,shackles and humiliation of the court room.I'm never looking back,i'm steadfast focused and obligated to my family to get it right this time.Nothing can interfere with that.It is all in Gods hands now.It's on the outskirts of town by the railroad tracks where the country moon shines.Oh im prison bound tell my friends i'll be back someday.Maybe not in this life but we will see eachother again.I am a different person now and have to let go.I'm starting new and creating a different ending for myself from this point forward.When I go to jail I'll be back someday but till then,use my life as an example to do right in your own lives.I love you all,do good, but my life has taken a new direction and some things will never be the same. for Gods grace that the direction of our lives head to a new reason and season of change,and remember hit Big Licks and pay it forward never back. Yours Truly,
Drake C.Dotson
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